by Nevs Coleman

Merry Tyler. MORE!

There are some songs I just can’t quite fathom exist. Moments where I’m amazed that nobody said at any point, ‘Erm, you might want to think about putting this out.’ And I’m the guy wrote ‘Oh Sarenna Lee!’ in a crass attempt to get attention from glamour models.

The thing about music is that once it’s recorded, that’s it. It belongs to the library of songs until the end of technology. No matter what you do, no matter how far you come. You agreed to record that song. I don’t care if Damon Albarn actually ends world hunger. He recorded ‘Country House’ There was no need for that. It was sonic abuse and the scales of karma must be redressed one day. They will. But while ‘Country House’ is simple misguided upside down class snobbery mixed with sight masquerading as in sight (Conservative people are conservative, are they, Damon? Thanks. I’m aware now), my mate played me a record which stuns me to think of it.

It’s called ‘Lord of Thighs’ by Aerosmith, and here are the lyrics:

Down to who knows who just to socialize
I’m waiting for my girls
when you caught my eyes
You got no way to make a man
Honey you got to understand
I’m your man child
Lord of the thighs

Well well lordy my God what do we got here
You’re flashin’ ‘cross the floor
Make it perfectly clear
You’re the bait and you’re the hook
Someone to take a look
I’m your man child lord of the thighs

You must have come here to find it
You’ve got the look in your eyes
Although you really don’t mind it
I am the lord of your thighs

Let me reassure you, this is real. It’s on the album ‘Get Your Wings’. This is not a solo effort. I presume an Aerosmith album is a big budget affair. Many, many songs are considered and the order of tunes contemplated before the actual tracks are picked. All of the band, their producer, their managers were consulted before this piece of sonic poetry was committed to CD.  Still, ‘Lord of Thighs’ is on not one, but two of their albums.

NOBODY said ‘ Mr Tyler. this songs is called ”Lord of Thighs”. Do you want to get some sleep and think about this again?’

I’m trying to work out what equation of encounters lead to this, and this is what I came up with:

Mr Tyler goes to the cinema and watches a film based on the work of William Golding:

Which reminds him, ladies are good, particularly the ones with upper legs:




And we all smiled. See?


I made this up. I do not claim it is true. Don’t sue me!

One response

  1. The great god Dionysus was born of thigh. Might the song be an allusion to this momentus occaison? Maybe all rock gods are born of thigh.

    Check The Wurzels doing Country House!

    March 7, 2010 at 12:56

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