by Nevs Coleman

Headline Pun Involving Paris Hilton, Homosexuality.

Sometimes, as a constant thinker, one is confounded by the issues of the day. Was the invasion of Iraq a necessary evil in order to rid the world of a despot or an outright violation of The U.N. that sets a general and dangerous precedent?  Is the philosophy of Tao a step towards the evolution of the species  and a removal of one’s self from the insignificant  and ultimately futile conflicts of humanity’s norms or merely a cop-out from taking a side on mortal and less so issues that could alienate one from their peers?

It’s at these times that simple thinking and mediation do  not provide a mind-calming answer. 3am and a question lingers in the back of the mind like a squidge of cheese just behind the wisdom tooth. Peace or Evolution? Chalk OR Cheese? Superman-Red or Superman:Blue? In these instances, it could be best to turn to wiser minds. One would seek out Socrates who would question you on every angle of the point until some kind of resolution could be formed. Or one could turn from the argument entirely and simply accept one’s lot as a cog in the machine whose thoughts and opinions will be unregistered for posterity, proving 2 + 2 does indeed, equal, 5.

Those pondering The Great Homosexual Question may have acquired some further insight this week, that the very reincarnation of Oscar Wilde, the very living bastion of social commentary,  Paris Hilton announced that ‘Gay men were disgusting’  and furthermore, she would be frightened to BE a gay guy as she WOULD, with a shadow of a doubt, die of AIDS . Obviously, this lead to a veritable outpouring amongst the world’s homosexual community. Many of them read in fear, wondering if Paris was truly a medical woman, able to make a physiological judgement such as ‘Many of them probably have AIDS.’  Noted man of the Alternate Church XXXXX XXXXXX* was noted as saying ‘Cor Blimey, Guv, I was not aware that I had contracted the H.I.V. by ANY means, but by the cheese on a blue cheese sandwich, if a socialite being recorded in the back of a cab without her prior knowledge hath doth proffered such a thing, then who am I, with a doctor and knowledge of my own medical records to question this?’

Pestilence amused by own eyelids, yesterday.

In a unprecedented wave of social network political activity not seen since many child abusers were shamed out of their actions after Rory, 29, from Colchester changed his profile picture to that of an image of Porky the Pig, Paris recanted her previous aberration, claiming that she was ‘a ‘huge supporter of The Gay Community’ . Many homosexuals breathed a sigh of relief knowing that their lives and sexual preferences were now approved of once more by a rich woman what has been on the telly and recorded having some sex.

‘Paris loves us again. WE ARE VALIDIFIED!’

In other news, having heard that Ms Hilton believes ‘Gay people are amongst the strongest people she knows.’, Barry, 37, from Ohio has taken up powerlifting.

Richard LittleJohn is 58.

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